The legendary return of . . . Tiger Woods?

(Beware sports fans, read the following article at your own risk!)

Today, at 1:42 p.m. Tiger Woods made his epic return to golf. In a normal year, in a normal Masters tournament, I would have no idea what time golfers tee off, because I usually don’t care. But this year is different. This year a man who cheated on his wife with several women has taken 5 months off the golf scene, and is making his “legendary” return. Is this a joke?

I understand that Tiger Woods is human, and is entitled to make mistakes. He is also entitled to learn from his mistakes, and make a fresh start. And I can see how facing the public after such a huge media debacle could be painstaking, embarrassing, and overall uncomfortable, so my applause goes out to Tiger for that at least. What I don’t understand is why this day has become so important to popular culture, and why people were crying on the golf course when Tiger walked out to tee off.

It is as though Tiger has now gained some sort of infamy for being adulterous. He’s up there with the likes of John Dillinger, Billy the Kid, or Bonnie and Clyde. They gained superstardom for all the wrong reasons: breaking the law, escaping authorities, and generally being a danger to the public. In Tiger’s case, the laws he broke are along moral lines, and he didn’t quite succeed in escaping the media authorities, but his poor example has been set, and there will certainly be those who think its okay to follow. Or maybe the better comparison is Hugh Hefner – at least he waited until he was divorced to move into the Playhouse.

Furthermore, the media are making it seem like Tiger’s been gone from the golf world for years, when it’s only been 5 months. Do people really think that 5 months is enough for someone to recover from events that destroyed Tiger’s family and down-home image? Is 5 months enough time to get over an “addiction” to sex? Shouldn’t there be some mathematical formula based on how many women he slept with? Certainly 5 months isn’t long enough to do penance for your sins, or regain emotional stability. Maybe Tiger Woods is a robot who doesn’t feel anything. That might explain everything.